Thursday, March 02, 2006

Teaching, Blah, Blah

I taught a lesson on Southern culture today and it was a good lesson, but after saying everything for the fourth time, I lost interest and just couldn't wait until the day was over.

I really don't know how I got into teaching. I remember being 14 and wanting to be a psychologist. I read all of Freud and Jung by the time I was 16, graduated early so I could hurry up and be a psychologist.

Somewhere between graduating with a B.S. in psychology and grad school, I decided I didn't want to be a psychologist. I wanted to travel and see the world. I went back to school one day to talk to a professor and BAM!, literally the next day, I was in grad school, studying English. Once into my coursework, I remember thinking, "Yeah, English, I like it and maybe I can travel and teach." But I never thought I would be a teacher (a little part of me just died while writing that sentence). I thought I would do the teaching thing for a while, travel, then get a "real" job.

I didn't realize until it was too late that I would be in debt up to my eyeballs and unqualified for anything other than working at a car dealership (not that I have anything against that, I just want people other than me to work there). I despise office work. I can think of several torture devices I would rather encounter than to ever work in an office again.

So here I am, two degrees poorer, without a clue what to do next. I don't hate teaching, but I am not good at it and I don't want to do it for the rest of my life. But no profession really gets me all hot and bothered.

I wish I had some master plan or some magic pocket I could stick my hand in and pull out some fantastic idea, but I don't. Right now, I would settle for something that didn't make me physically ill and paid well. Anybody else ever feel this way or have any suggestions?

By the way, the picture was taken in Chartres cathedral. I think it is one of the better ones I have taken, and like the Winged Victory of Samothrace picture, I feel its power. I especially like the little man to the left who is looking up in awe.


Moment said...

I think almost everyone feels like you do. I know I do. Searching for a purpose. We all want to feel "complete", but don't know how to obtain it. I wish I had the answer for ya.

Have you ever thought of photography? Your pictures are great. Maybe you would enjoy that. I don't know, it's just a thought.

Diamond Lil said...

I know how you feel and you are not alone. I'm always wondering what I will be when I grow up, and I'm grown up! I can say that student loans have very low interest rates and you only live once, so enjoy being a teacher in France while you are still young and gorgeous! Hang in there :)

Vanessa said...

Arrrgh!! I was already depressed enough, Ange! I have no magic solution for you, but I do know that you really need to go for whatever it is that you really like, and that's not teaching. Hang in there.

Angela in Europe said...

Thanks for all the words of encouragement, ladies! It is always nice to hear others who feel the same way.

moment: Thanks for the compliment, but I am not really good. I have a digital camera (love it) and take about 100 pictures before I get one I like.

Chris said...

If nothing else, France is a great place to discover what you are really interested in. Beats Ohio or somewhere similar.

Where did you go for grad school, by the way?